Wrong Turn

My boyfriend's baby mother , hates me for whatever reason. However, their kids love me and not only do they talk about me to her but to everyone. One day, at his sons kindergarten graduation the mother wanted to make it known,it was his and her child. I don't ever attempt to take her place. I just feel like my man her, baby daddy should say something. He says he has but she doesn't respect our relationship. Does she know that I am the one taking care of her kids when they come over. Does she know who feeds them,and entertains them. Maybe she does. Now, the kids 7 and 5 are asking their dad and I when we are getting married. Than they say mommy says, if you get married you to will go to jail. If it is not one thing it is another. I have tried sitting and talking to this woman. When she was in a relationship, she was less problematic. Now, she is single and dictating how and when he can see his kids if I am around. When the kids would call and talk to their dad and I, she would take the phone when I start talking. I am to the point where, this battle is not mine. My boyfriend feels that because she doesn't respect our relationship, she doesn't call him and include him into the kids daily life. Its because of our relationship, he isn't able to come to their family functions to be with his kids. WHAT!

Could anything else go wrong. This woman is controlling our relationship. He feels like he has to be her friend and spend one on one time with his kids without me. We always did everything together and there was never a problem. Now, my boyfriend and I are distant in our own home. He wants me to deal with the fact he will be spending more time alone with his kids. I don't understand this because we used to pick them up for the weekend,but the mom would always make him bring them back early because I am home. This solution not only excludes my relationship with him and his kids,in my opinion, it wipes me out the picture. I love my boyfriend, but he fails to realize the negative impact this leaves on me. Here is what I have attempted in dealing with a baby mama.

• Realize she is not going anywhere. 
  

I had to remind myself that she is not going anywhere, for the next 10 years or so. At times, I would wish she would sign over full custody . Or even, go out and elope with another man.

• Try talking to the baby mama

This may work for some women. There are women that only want to know who the other person is. This women respects that her kids father has moved on. She may not be happy,but she deals with the changes.I have done this. Every time, I had the kids she would call me and everything I told her she would turn it around and let my boyfriend know, what I didn't say. 

• Put yourself in her shoes

I have a kid. I know how she may feel. However, my daughters dad and I never had this type of drama. When he was active in her life,he had other women but I respected that. No feelings were sour about him moving on because I did too.

• Fall back,let your man be a man 
  

At this point, I can not say or do anything to change the situation. She is nagging about me and I am nagging about how unfair this is, which makes him frustrated. He is to the point, he doesn't want anything but his kids. Because he does't know how to deal with the bickering. So, I fell back.I stepped back from trying to change the way things are going. He is their father. What ever choices he makes, its gonna happen. I detach myself from the whole situation. When he talks to me about her,  I don't even engage in the conversation. And constantly remind myself, what ever is going to happen,will happen. 

• Be assertive 
  

I have asserted how I feel. Its up to him to see it how it is. If he wants this relationship to prosper,he will be willing to make changes.